An evening with Phil is like an Eternity in a fortress of Canned Meat-----

-------- A little Salty.

So last night I was desperate to do something that didnt involve my bed and an old school Disney Movie on VHS, and was lucky enough to receive a call from Phantastic Bugaloo requesting my presence at a little gathering in Vineland. Eager to see what Phil is like off the dance floor, I accepted the invitation and invited Olivia along as to not be the awkward chick who came by herself.

So we got dressed and got our asses to Chaz's place- and by Chaz's place...well, let me first explain Chaz: A 47 year old perv-man with a hawaiian shirt and a pomeranian dog, who was house sitting this gorgeous house for his brother-in-law. Dont get me wrong, Chaz is cool, but if one more person asked if I was sharing the bed with him, I was going to go Franklin Twp. Style on their ass. 

So anyway, everything was even-keyed until this dude Mike with some strange pimp hat showed up with a cooler full of liquor.  I mean, it was enough already that Chaz had a barrel full of long island ice teas and a bucket full of spiked punch,  so this random cooler full of rum runners seemed slightly unnecessary....but all the same,  it was fully appreciated...until the last drop.

My original intent was to skip the drinking for the evening, because I have to work at 10am today, and I thought I needed to get home by 2a, but Livi was quite the fish, ,so we figured we'd stay around a while longer...and by a while longer I mean until 715am.   I kind of knew i would be sticking around for a while when I thought it was a good idea to dive into the 4-foot deep pool fully SOBER and CLOTHED(capri jeans, halter top, and the works)...PS- Everyone knew I was Wearing pink undies...sadly my light colored jeans were see-through.   We started playing some circle of death until most of the group was playing piano and making up songs about "Having sex with men" and "Driving in Phil's Car", and such.  It was delicious actually...I never laughed so hard....well, maybe I had-  but not in Vineland at least. 

When the rain started coming down, Mike with the Pimp Hat thought it would be a good idea to 'frolic" through the rain and started demanding everyone follow him.  We started to worry about the outcome when he was trying to flag down cars onthe highway, just so he could talk to passersby.  We deemed this an immediate BAD IDEA when he was almost hit twice, and then dragged him back to the house, ,where LEE proceeded in punching every male in the balls one by one.  It was unbelievably hilarious, cause when you turned around, all you could see were dudes on their knees in pain!  HAA!  I Loved every second of it.

Sadly tho, my super stay up late powers started to decline around about 5:48am when I realized I would have a whopping 1 HOUR of sleep before Livi would wake me up and tell my ass to get the hell home to do laundry and get ready for work.  So i picked out my spot on the couch, and hoped for an undisturbed hour of sleep.

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEE!"

"Lee, you Nigger!  You fuckin woke me up!"...said Carly in an IRATE TONE!!!!

And by undisturbed I actually was referring to the 12376178236461872541754179541978246  interuptions!  Lee kept yelling FIRE, Phil kept laying on the recliner next to me and tryign to discuss the size of the plasma TV as loud as physically possible, then Lee decided it would be a good idea to play the "hump the piano" song he just made up, CHaz cleaned up the kitchen,  and the rabid pomeranian wouldnt shut the hell up.  Then Phil decided to go to sleep on that same recliner, Dustin kept laying on top of me/stealing my blanket, Amy crawled under the blanket on the opposite end of the couch and then Phil "helped" me fall to sleep by battling me with your mom comebacks....after comeback....after comeback...

Carly rolls over and says: Damn I'm hungry...Phil, is your mom's Furry Tuna Taco Stand open up this early?

Phil throws pillow and says:  Yeah, Im slightly thirsty-  Is your Mom's Lemonade stand open this early?  What is it like $.05 now?  or like $.10? 

All say:  Phil, thats stupid, shut up!!!

Phil:  Well, whatever- Carly your mom was the first person I ever had sex with.

Carly: Oh, You too? 

Insert Passing out here...

Good thing Phil has super chops,  otherwise, he wouldnt be cool enough for me to deal with this.

So around 7am, after my restless HOUR of sleep, I get poked in the GOD DAMN HEAD by Livi and am told to wake up.  Good thing, too- otherwise iwouldnt have time to write all of this down.  So now Im doing laundry, and getting ready to shower before work.  I even had a chance to work out a little!  Im starting the day off rather well, actually.

PS- I have decided that I am always more inspired to be funny in the morning than at night.  Why?  Um- caffeinated beverages are rad like your mom's lemonade.

Signing off for a few hours,

Carly